Sunday, April 17, 2011

mixed emotions.

What I once knew, I don't know anymore. The future is a ball of uncertainty, constantly changing with the seasons. I thought I knew what I wanted, where I was going, and now I think it's changing. I thought I loved him and now I'm not so sure. What do I do? Which decision is right? marriage and divorce is so flippant and common now. Is it so bad to want those traditional ideals of "forever"? 
I have this black cloud hanging in the distance and I don't know if I want it to stay there, in the distance and never come to pass, or if I yell and scream for the Universe to "bring it on"! What is right? What will secure my happiness? This move really took us one GIANT step back and I have no idea what to make of it. I don't know how to get back to what we were, and I don't know how to move forward. it's like we've jarred onto some alternate path that is stuck on re-run. Nothing changes, nothing gets better, but it doesn't get worse either.
Advice? I'm not really sure who to ask, because I want an honest unbiased opinion that doesn't have an ulterior motive behind it. So who do I ask? how do I know if what I am doing is unfair and too much, how do I know if what he is doing childish and immature?
I want positivity in my life, not pessimism and negativity. And right now thats all I seem to be getting.

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